Orlando Mortgage Blog

One of You Is Probably Lying

If not, then there’s a good chance that your spouse is lying to you.

That’s the conclusion from a new survey by CESI Debt Solutions, which found that in 80% of married couples, at least one spouse is spending money that the other doesn’t know about. Almost 20% of married people have a credit card their spouse doesn’t know about, and 38% are concerned that their spouse would file for divorce if he or she found out about the secret spending.
 

Am I the only person shocked by these statistics?

Money is a family affair. When you are married or in a lifelong relationship with your partner, money is not yours or mine. It’s ours. That means neither of you is allowed to spend money without the other’s permission. And I’m talking about amounts as small as fifty bucks.

This position might shock some people. Most households have two earners these days. Do you really need to ask your spouse if it’s okay to spend the money you’ve earned?
Yes, you do.

“But I earned the money,” you might say, “so I should have the right to spend it however I want.”

Wrong. A couple is not two people; it’s a single unit. I’ve never encountered any successful marriage where it was 50/50. You must each be invested 100%. In my case, that means I own 100% of Jean’s money and she owns 100% of my money. That’s why we each seek the other’s permission before spending anything other than token amounts. It’s simply a matter of mutual respect.

There’s even a legal concept behind this. It’s called Tenants by the Entirety, where you are both considered to own 100% of a given asset. Many couples title their homes this way; thus both independently own the entire house, a concept that seems contradictory at first. (How can two people each own it all?)

To have a healthy marriage, you must have healthy finances. And for that to happen, you need to be honest with your spouse about your spending.

Copyright © 2010 Edelman Financial